SUICIDE


In graduate school, I worked nights at a suicide prevention call center. I heard desperation and pain from hundreds of people during my time there. The darkness of the night sky has a way of exacerbating feelings of hopelessness, deep sadness, and loneliness. On more than one occasion, I had to get on another phone while listening to a caller and ask the police to go to the caller's residence before they shot themselves, slashed their wrists, or overdosed. Even though I didn't share it with them, I knew how they felt.

When I was age 14, I overdosed with the intention of falling asleep forever. I felt utterly hopeless. Even though I've experienced some low points over the years, I never reached that point again. I went through intensive counseling in my 30's and 40's and finally felt the clouds of depression lift from my shoulders about 20 years ago. I know how it feels not to want to continue living. The two latest celebrities who took their lives had money and fame. All the money in the world and popularity didn't save them from reaching the point where they felt that life was no longer worth living. And, it's not a selfish act. A suicidal person actually believes that their loved ones would be better off without them. Irrational thinking can be a hallmark of severe depression with self-talk like, "I'm worthless." "I hate myself." "No one loves me." "The world would be better off without me," etc.

When that kind of darkness overcomes you, you aren't thinking about the devastation your loved ones will be experiencing after you're gone. Your only thought is to end the intense, unrelenting pain. I weep for them and for those who might feel the same way––and for their loved ones. It's easy to hide feelings of despair, and it's difficult to talk with anyone about it. We want to be seen as having our "sh**" together and promoting ourselves as living a perfect life, making asking for help even more difficult. If you're feeling at the point you don't want to live any longer, reach out and call someone––preferably, someone trained to listen. They have information to give you for proper treatment.
You are loved.

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