THE ART OF CONVERSATION

Whatever happened to active listening? The art of conversation has fallen into disarray, or perhaps it's because I am around more people of a certain age who feel they have lots of stories to tell. I keep running into people who will not stop talking. They start on a subject, and before you know it, they give you more details than you want, followed by another story with extraneous information. I swear I can hear marbles rattling inside their skulls. 
Many spend way too much time discussing our health issues as we age. My goal is to stop endless discussions about health or the lack thereof! When I notice eyes glazing over, I know it's time to change the subject of my latest illness by asking them about their recent vacation.
Some people need help to read body language, lack insight and have no realization that the person they are sharing valuable(!) information is bored out of their minds. It never crosses their minds to ask the listener questions because what they say is fascinating, taking self-absorption to another level. After an hour has passed, I want to shoot myself. The worst scenario is when I've already heard the tale and have to listen while telling the next person who happens to walk by. Hint:  When we ask someone if they've listened to our story already, and they say "yes," we should NOT launch into it again. Once is quite enough.  Believe me. I try to be patient, but patience has never been my virtue.
When we find ourselves dominating a conversation, ask the listener about themselves. Preferably a question that doesn't require a yes or no answer. We should resist the impulse to think about what we're going to next say while they are still talking. And, do NOT correct the speaker when they are sharing a story. It's rude. We can be someone other than the authority on every subject.
How do we know we might be a bore? Watch for fidgety movements. Is the listener looking around the room and not at the speaker? Are they looking at their watch? Are they yawning? Has the story gone on for more than a couple of minutes? Stop. Look. Listen.
Most of us have lived decades on this earth and have many experiences to share. A rule of thumb is not to share our story unless we condense it without too much detail. The listener will ask more questions if they genuinely want more information. It is best to not prompt oneself into immediately launching into another tale. Tell the story as succinctly as possible without going in a million directions.  No one wants to hear about the cousin's in-laws. Trust me.
Someone once said that if a person can walk away thinking that we're a great conversationalist, it's because they did not dominate the conversation. Stimulating conversations involve an exchange of ideas, thoughts, and laughter, with no one dominating the dialogue.
A rule of thumb is not everything or every conversation needs to be about us (or our cousin) who had the same issue. There are exceptions. When a friend suffers, we drop everything to listen without interjecting anything about our past pain. We turn the conversation back to us when we share our experience with someone suffering. Our friend wants us to listen to them. Just listen. Let them talk about their pain for as long as they need it. In the words of the great songwriters Burt Bacharach and Carol Sager, "That's what friends are for."


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