IT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE EATING; IT'S WHAT'S EATING US

 

I often have lunch with my third-grade grandson at his school. You might be surprised about their conversation if you take the time to listen to a group of eight-year-old boys. I always thought females enjoyed gossiping, including me, but I discovered males do, too. Although, males never get called on it, to my knowledge. Maybe they have, and I haven’t paid attention. But I’ve been tuning into the boys in the lunchroom. They forget I’m sitting there after a few minutes, and the gossip starts flowing. It’s fascinating.

One of the boys in my grandson’s friend group always has a gigantic lunch and wolfs down his two sandwiches, chips, two drinks, and desserts as fast as possible. He doesn’t interact with the other boys because he’s focused on stuffing his face. Seeing that his already above-average girth will keep swelling doesn't take much imagination. The other boys move when he starts spreading catsup or mayonnaise on his chips, sandwiches, and desserts because his behavior repulses them. However, he’s unphased when they move to another table. It’s almost as if he’s in a waking coma. I suppose it’s more like a food coma.

I’ve battled weight for as long as I can remember. As a young child, I would sneak out of the house with whatever cans of food I could find, hide somewhere, and chow down. I disgusted myself, but I was feeding an emptiness that no amount of food would ever fill. As an adult, I overeat when stressed, but it’s such a habit that I sometimes stuff myself even when I’m not. Although my baseline is anxiousness, I’ll invent something to be stressed about, even if it’s inconsequential. It is almost as if I will always be empty, no matter what.

As I watched this young boy, I knew what he was doing, and my heart ached for him. My guess is that he doesn’t feel loved. Maybe his parents are working long hours, and he isn’t getting enough attention, or perhaps they have other children who require more attention, or they aren’t suited to be parents. I haven’t a clue. From my experience, limiting his lunch to cottage cheese and a boiled egg won’t solve the problem. And fat-shaming only makes things worse.

Our culture focuses on “eating the right foods,” going on the perfect diet to help shed those unwanted pounds, exercising to exhaustion, or taking a pill that magically makes us lose weight. Instead, we should be focused on why we overeat or choose the wrong foods. Some blame the fast-food industry for the obesity crisis in our country, but most of those places have salads. We’re missing the boat. What is eating us? Not what or how much we are eating.

A horrifying exception is when young girls gain weight to make themselves unattractive to their abusers. One would hope the adults around the girls intervene to save them.

Additionally, our culture values young, thin, beautiful women, creating various eating disorders. We will always fall short until we’re okay with who we are and not what we look like. As an older woman who doesn’t fit the image of the perfect woman on any level, I’m invisible most of the time, but I’ve learned to make my needs known when necessary. Otherwise, I enjoy the invisibility.

While observing this precious boy eat, I wondered if any of the adults in the cafeteria saw this as a red flag. If the boy had started “acting out,” he would have been referred to the school counselor. Maybe those monitoring the behavior of the children in the lunchroom should consider why this boy is overeating and being ostracized. Next time, I will ask one of the teachers what she thinks about the situation. I hope she’ll view him compassionately, refer him to the counselor, and the counselor will explore what’s going on at home.