WE LOVE WHO WE LOVE


He called crying late one night recently. After watching We'll Meet Again on PBS, he thought about when we met the first time.

The healthcare system administrator where I was working introduced the directors to the healthcare system's new Business Manager. He told us he would make budgeting "fun."  This got my attention, as I was responsible for 22 budgets, 7 outpatient clinics, and a 36-bed rehabilitation hospital and needed all the help I could get. He looked like a typical white business guy with his white starched shirt, dark pants, and colorful but tasteful tie. Since I've been around the world a few times, I instinctively knew he was gay. I don't think anyone else had a clue, but it didn't matter that he was, and it didn't matter to me what others might think.

Later that day, I stopped by his office to give him a personal welcome. I also told him that we were going to be friends. My pronouncement seemed to stun him a little, but his broad grin told me it was already happening.

We started working on the budgets and got to know each other. The truth is, we spent more time laughing and gossiping than actually working on the budgets. Besides, the budgets were on templates with prior years' histories attached. One learns quickly that the powers that be want to see expenses reduced while revenue is increased, so it's really a juggling act with a fair amount of fiction thrown into the mix. During one of our sessions, he said, "You know I'm gay, right."  I responded, "Of course I do. So?"

We started socializing outside of the hospital. I introduced him to my group of friends, as he had recently moved to the area from the other coast of Florida. He got to know my two boyfriends while I lived in South Florida and went to dinner/museums with us. We spent many hours both inside and outside the hospital talking and laughing. At one time, I had a crazy rescue dog that had a habit of suddenly biting people, even though he had been enjoying being petted a second before clamping down on flesh. My friend learned to carry treats with him. They became best buddies. When the dog was put to sleep after biting too many people, my friend listened to me as I wept.

The segment on We'll Meet Again was about two men, now in their 60's, wanting to reconnect with individuals they had met when they were young that had helped them become open about their homosexuality. Both of them talked about how they could live an authentic life as gay men. One of them recounted how he was confused in high school about his sexuality. He didn't even have the words to label what he felt until he consulted a dictionary and discovered the definition of how he felt was "homosexuality" and was further defined as a mental illness. When he spoke to a psychiatrist about it, the psychiatrist told him that he would give him electro-shock treatments to rid him of his "unnatural and deviant feelings."  He had a female best friend and confided in her for the first time about being gay. Her response was, "So? You're still my friend. And...no, no, no––you're not going to get shock treatments."  This reminded my friend of our first meeting. He called to thank me for my unconditional acceptance of him. We started laughing as we imagined him contacting the producers of We'll Meet Again. He would tell them he had this long-lost friend he wanted to thank for friendship when he felt vulnerable and that he thought I lived in Texas now but wasn't sure. He figured this would be an excellent way to get an all-expenses-paid trip to see me.

A friend is a friend, and we love who we love.  My life has been enriched by friends of different genders (including transgender), sexual orientation (including asexuals), religions (including atheists), ethnicities, political leanings, etc. It really doesn't matter how society might label them.  

It amazes me that some people go through life without a shred of empathy. They have lost the ability to imagine themselves in someone else's shoes. If they could empathize, there would be no hate and no wars. We would live as one. Just imagine.



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