LEANING INTO CATHERINE

I'm fortunate that several people have made a significant difference in my life. Catherine has made the longest and most impactful difference. During the 30-plus years I've known her, she has played different roles in my life. When I first met her, Catherine was a Chaplain and provided counseling to people as a mission at a local Episcopal church in the Dallas area. I had become friends for about a year with a woman I initially knew professionally. My new friend began to appear happier and less stressed during that year. When I asked what had changed in her life, she told me about Catherine. It wasn't long before I, too, started seeing Catherine regularly.

After several sessions, I apparently needed Catherine to help sort through problematic areas. When you create a version of yourself outwardly that doesn't match inside, it's an inconsistency that takes a tremendous amount of effort to maintain. I appeared to be a self-confident, secure, and independent woman. People generally sought my advice, but I rarely asked for it myself. Yet, on the inside, I was a mass of mush. Catherine encouraged me to be vulnerable and share my painful past, innermost thoughts, and feelings. Some of those feelings were difficult to admit. It didn't matter. She accepted me as I was––warts and all, only she didn't see any warts. She suggested I consult a psychiatrist for an anti-depressant, as she felt I had chronic depression. After a few weeks, the cloud lifted, and I began to understand myself. I continued with counseling and an anti-depressant for a few years but eventually didn't feel the need for either. Depression has occasionally reared its ugly head during rare rough patches, but it's no longer a heavy black cloak draped around my shoulders.

When I looked into Catherine's eyes during our individual sessions, I swear I saw God. It wasn't that Catherine was God. Instead, I thought that she was fulfilling God's purpose and that He wanted us to be together at that time and place. As a psychotherapist at one time, I knew that counselors had to separate themselves from their clients and not get emotionally attached. However, the compassion I felt emanating from her was almost palpable. Someone actually really cared about me, and it didn't matter how dark my soul might get from time to time; Catherine still accepted me. She didn't need anything from me. Catherine was there to give to me without wanting anything in return. I remain in awe of her.

For many years, Catherine taught parenting classes. I quickly learned I was going down the wrong path in parenting my young daughter. I erroneously thought that I should indulge her every desire. There were no boundaries in our house. Since I was a single parent with little involvement from my daughter's father, I wanted to provide her with many experiences and do the work of both parents. Through the classes, I learned that being a parent 180 degrees from how you were parented will likely result in the same insecure adult. Unconditionally loving your child means setting boundaries and providing discipline based on respect. Once launched into the world, they are confident they are loved and supported. I never became a perfect parent, but the information I learned from the classes made me a better parent than I would have been. 

Catherine is an expert in Enneagrams and taught classes on the subject. Often, she brought in experts from the Enneagram Institute. Enneagrams represent a spiritual path to higher states of being from each of the nine personality types. It's fascinating to understand yourself and how you interrelate with different types. You eventually learn when and why you're sliding into an unhealthy state and how to turn it around.

Years would pass when we made contact only occasionally. I moved away from Texas for many years but got in touch with her when needed. Catherine was always the same accepting and loving person. Our relationship eventually morphed into a strong friendship. I periodically visited her in Colorado and attended a workshop given by Father Richard Rohr with her and other friends in Albuquerque last year. In the years we've known each other, she's been my counselor, teacher, mentor, surrogate mother, and now, the dearest of dear friends. I simply adore her.

Catherine was married for many years to David. They share three children who are successful in their chosen fields. Her daughter works at a crisis call center for abused women in Austin. Her two sons live in Colorado with their families. David was a brilliant engineer who supported his wife's work and sometimes met with her clients to provide neuro-linguistic programming. David was diagnosed with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy over 20 years ago. It's like Parkinson's Disease times 100 and is devastating to the person with the condition, the caretaker, family, and friends. Catherine lovingly took care of her husband. She never complained and never expressed the slightest frustration about caring for him. He was her husband and best friend. David passed from this world in 2016.

Some months after David's death, mutual friends introduced her to Dan because they thought they were terrific people and might enjoy each other's company. It wasn't long before they fell in love. They got married in a tiny rural church in Colorado last fall.

They now live in a new home on acreage in Colorado, near the Wyoming border. His passions include Catherine, his children, grandchildren, and airplanes. He is a retired engineer and rancher. His hobby is restoring aircraft and flying. When I recently had lunch with them, it was apparent how much they loved each other. It was a lively conversation, as the three of us hold similar views on politics and spirituality. The big takeaway from lunch was how they physically leaned into each other and how "we" was an essential part of their side of the discussion. One couldn't help but bask in the light emanating from them. I thought about the many years Catherine spent caring for her husband as he slid into an inability to take care of himself and how that made her somewhat housebound but still happy to have her husband by her side. And now–she's enjoying this second stage of life and love––traveling the country with Dan while pulling their Airstream, going home to their patch of heaven on earth in Colorado, and building a new life together as they enter their eighth decade on this earth.

My heart is whole and happy after being in their presence. Catherine's ability to lean into love is an inspiration. She deserves every second of her new life.