AN EVENING IN THE DOG PARK

 

Sometimes, you’re at the right place and time for someone else. You don’t know it’s coming, but you’re glad you were there for them.

Two of us sat in the dog park, watching our dogs interact and enjoying the cooler evening after an unseasonably hot October day. Our pets are some of the best parts of us, so sharing the evening with them was infinitely more fun than watching TV.

Jeff, a new, friendly fellow resident, entered the dog park with his big, beautiful dog that Paddy especially likes. Paddy was so thrilled that he started zooming around the dogs in the park. One would never guess that Paddy was eleven, but our early morning walks over the years are paying off.

As we laughed at Paddy’s shenanigans, I asked Jeff how their house was coming along that was being built in a nearby town. He grinned while telling us how fast it was being constructed and how excited they were about their new pool and spa. Jeff’s father lives in one of our apartments and enjoys spending four hours a day in the pool, resulting in one of the darkest tans I’ve ever seen. At the mention of the pool, I asked if his father would be living with them. He responded with a resounding “NO!” When I met Jeff and his wife, Laura, a few months ago, they told me his father had frontotemporal dementia. They were in a quandary as to how they would convince the father to be admitted to an assisted living facility. Frontotemporal dementia is one of the nastier forms of dementia in that they frequently display unusual and inappropriate behavior. They often lack impulse control, experience frequent and sometimes belligerent mood changes, and have little or no self-awareness, including self-hygiene deterioration.

With deep sadness etched across his face, Jeff told of his father’s agitation when trying to convince him that he needed to be in an alternative living facility that provided daily assistance and kept him safe. After a recent follow-up visit with the neurologist, it was determined by the doctor that his cognition had deteriorated further and that he should be in an assisted living facility. Jeff’s father seemed to accept the doctor’s recommendation, so they immediately found a facility and made plans to move him in the next few months. Then, Jeff went on a business trip, and while he was out of town, Laura checked on her father-in-law. The father told her he hated them because they had stolen from him, and he wanted his money and car back. Jeff's father proclaimed that he never wanted to see them again and reported them to Adult Protective Services. A week after the incident with Laura, Jeff’s father asked when they would all travel together to St. Martin for a vacation. When Jeff reminded him of the conversation with Laura, he did not recall his interaction with her.

Jeff’s pain was almost palpable. We talked about how this is an unfortunate journey that many families experience with older loved ones who have dementia, but knowing that doesn’t help when you are in the middle of a family crisis. They now have to experience an investigation and his eventual transition from living independently to an assisted living facility. It doesn’t sound like this will be a final solution because he probably needs to be in a locked memory care unit.

Jeff and Laura appear to have a loving, stable relationship, but the situation with Jeff’s father would test any relationship. Plus, building a house has its own unique stress. They’ll survive, but it will be a tough road to travel in the months and maybe years to follow.

I’m glad we were there to listen and give Jeff the support he needed on a cool, beautiful October starlit night with dogs not having a care in the world playing in the dog park.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to always live in the moment like our beloved pets? Life would be infinitely easier.