FRIENDS WHO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

 

I like to surround myself with people who want to make a difference in other people’s lives. It’s sometimes difficult for me to have patience with people who have petty grievances or are absorbed in self-pity and can’t get out of their heads to help others. I love action-oriented people; it doesn’t have to be anything significant… just do it; volunteer or get involved! It's been proven to be therapeutic for those suffering from depression to volunteer. And, even though I'm not depressed, I always feel better when I'm doing something for someone else.

Not everyone at the Fallingbricks/Geezer Apartments spends their days focused on what doesn’t suit them about living here. Good people are living here who help those in need, whether bringing food to those staying in their apartment due to illness, driving someone to doctor’s appointments, or inviting others to lunch. We have advancing age in common, and it doesn’t take much for us to need assistance. Most of us aren’t on the level of needing Independent/Assisted Living or a nursing home.

However, I worry about those here who have dementia. One woman constantly walks around the building. She gets baffled when one tries to converse with her and cannot respond coherently. I’ve seen her walk down the street and wonder if there will come a time when she’s unable to find her way back to the building.

One couple moved here a few months ago. The husband shuffles behind his physically disabled wife, never speaks to anyone, and is suffering from dementia. Often, the couple will sit in the common area while he sleeps. She looks toward the front entrance, almost as if wondering how she got here and how she will get out of it. I’m uncertain about her mental status. But it’s apparent that leaving the confines of their apartment is a relief for her.

Another resident with frontotemporal dementia has a caregiver. I’m unsure how long his caregiver stays in his apartment, but this is also a disaster waiting to happen. There are others here who never leave their apartment. The only criterion for renting an apartment is to qualify financially and be over age 62. Management has no responsibility for the well-being of the residents other than to ensure bricks don’t fall on our heads from a building that was built too hastily and has many problems. The current owners are in litigation with the previous owners, so repairs are at a standstill. Meanwhile, the building is roped off to protect us from falling bricks, hence, my new name for the complex.

Dementia, falling, and fires are real threats to this community and are somewhat interrelated. One hopes family members regularly check in on their elderly loved ones confined to their apartment, but who knows? I suppose the cost of an apartment here (average of $1800+) is much less than a Memory Care Unit/Assisted and Independent Living or a nursing home, which can cost anywhere from $6000 to $8000 monthly but isn’t their safety and well-being more important? Why would they think this is the best place for their mother or father? After all, food is not provided or staffed 24/7, much less by anyone medically qualified to care for those who need it. This is simply an apartment complex for those over age 62.

A man in our Literary Circle has taken the shuffling resident who falls asleep in the common area under his wing. They can be seen slowly walking around the building every day. Frequently, I can hear my Literary Circle friend whistling a beautiful tune. Even before I witnessed his kindness, I found him an amazingly brilliant person who happens to be blind in one eye. He has a Ph.D. in Chemical Engineering and a Ph.D. in English Literature. He’s currently working with someone on translating his beloved old English poetry into Japanese. My friend’s part is writing commentary to explain what the poet meant. I must confess that his commentary is over my head, and I read it several times before the light comes on.

His wife is a member of our Liberal Ladies of ArborView group. One of my goals for that group was to challenge the members to get active in progressive causes and candidates. She immediately offered to meet with high school principals in the area to arrange voter registration for seniors and has already successfully met with several principals. This couple “gets it.” They are busy making a difference, and I’m proud to call them my friends.