LOSING A FRIEND TO AIDS


I don't think I cried the day I learned he died, but I did in my dreams last night. I was weeping so hard that it awakened me. Oddly, 30 years could pass, and something triggers your memory to create an overwhelming sense of sadness that you were unaware of.
He was a year younger than I was, but we would see each other in the hallways or share a rare class during our high school years. He was always happy, funny, and friendly. People with red hair and freckles are just naturally fun to be around!
I was in my third semester at the local two-year college when he started attending the same college. We would usually gather several of us in one car on the weekends and ride around town, stopping at the three drive-ins to visit with friends or endlessly circle them for hours. Often, we would fill up a car with friends and head to the drive-in movies with one or two people hiding in the trunk. You had to be creative in a small town with limited opportunities and no funds.
I moved away the next semester and never lived at home again. As the years went by, I'd ask my Mother about him, as she was friends with his Mother.
He continued going to college, marrying briefly, and eventually lived in New York City. In the mid-'70s through the mid-'80s, I frequently traveled to NYC because my central office was located in Manhattan. He owned a flower shop with his partner in Greenwich Village.
On several occasions, I contacted him and asked if we could get together when I was in town. Either he was unavailable, or I was in an endless meeting. We never managed to see each other again after college. I knew from my Mother that he was "living with a man." That did not surprise me, nor did it make any difference. He was my friend. I didn't have many friends in high school, and the friendships I had were treasured. Besides, why is it anyone's business who people choose to love?
The AIDS epidemic started dominating the news. Early reports were that an unknown type of cancer was killing young gay men. It was a time of tremendous fear on behalf of gay men and the people who treated their illnesses.
By the late '80s, I had started managing rehabilitation units within hospitals. Sometimes, nurses and doctors refused to provide medical care to those with AIDS. Many AIDS patients suffered needlessly and sometimes died alone, not touched by anyone in the last few months and days of their life. Our government was unforgivably slow in recognizing the epidemic and providing funding for research and treatment.
At the height of the epidemic, my friend died of complications from AIDS.
Today, I will again mourn the loss of such a vibrant soul.
My only wish is that he's either having a blast in heaven or, if there's really no heaven, that his energy was released into the universe as a massive ball of light and matter.
His light still shines on Earth and came to visit me in my dreams last night.


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