EULOGY FOR MY FATHER
In November 2015, my father passed from this world. These are the remarks I made at my father's funeral:
"What I'm about to say today will come as a big surprise to most of you. To reveal that I'm not religious is not much of a revelation. The best way to describe it is that my relationship with God is on the quiet side.
You might sometimes wonder what Grace and forgiveness mean and how they might enter one's life. You never know when or if it's going to happen; you just realize that the process you went through was because of God's Grace.
Daddy and I had a difficult time when I was young. We were both very headstrong (bullheaded!). My misbehavior and rebellious attitude often resulted in swift and sometimes severe punishment. I spent many years working through those painful memories. Resentfulness was a familiar companion to me. It wasn't until almost 20 years ago that I had the opportunity to get to know Daddy on an adult level through many hours spent together on the golf course.
Oh, how I loved those times spent playing golf with him! I really began to know and understand him. I understood why he parented the way he did, as his childhood was also filled with a longing to be loved and treasured by his parents. They could not provide that to him due to their own childhood experiences. So, we all somehow stumble into adulthood with our memories of the good and the bad. For the lucky ones, the good far outweighs the bad, but more importantly, how we cope with it impacts the quality of our lives. And luckily, in the words of the great author Tom Robbins, "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."
Playing golf became a metaphor for the life I've lived. I was fortunate to, at last, have a father who was my biggest cheerleader. It didn't matter if I lost a million balls, hit only a few feet, or missed the ball; he would loudly proclaim what a great golfer I was. And I loved him for that. We all go through times when try as we may; things just don't work out as planned. But, if you have someone holding you in the palm of their hand, it gives you the courage to carry on. Indeed, as he cheered me on, my father gave me the courage to try again.
So, today, I honor my father for the man he was. He always tried to do what was right, despite the sometimes misguided way he imposed that on others. But don't we all do a little or a lot of that? He genuinely enjoyed meeting people and sharing laughter with everyone he met. I never heard him speak a negative word about anyone, nor did he ever utter one profanity. He loved our Mother without restraint. He would always tell her, and anyone who listened, how much he cared for her, especially in the last few years when he had to heavily depend on her. His was a large life that was squeezed into vulnerability and dependency in his elderly years. Life can be so cruel.
I thank God today for allowing forgiveness to enter our lives. For me...this is what Grace means. For those of us who were a part of Daddy's journey this past year, we are very grateful that his suffering is over. He's now greeting his Heavenly brothers and sisters with a "How do you do? It's nice to see you again after such a long, long time. I'm James Wright; remember me?"
I love you, Daddy. (And I can just barely hear him whisper, "Love you, too, sweetheart.")
"What I'm about to say today will come as a big surprise to most of you. To reveal that I'm not religious is not much of a revelation. The best way to describe it is that my relationship with God is on the quiet side.
You might sometimes wonder what Grace and forgiveness mean and how they might enter one's life. You never know when or if it's going to happen; you just realize that the process you went through was because of God's Grace.
Daddy and I had a difficult time when I was young. We were both very headstrong (bullheaded!). My misbehavior and rebellious attitude often resulted in swift and sometimes severe punishment. I spent many years working through those painful memories. Resentfulness was a familiar companion to me. It wasn't until almost 20 years ago that I had the opportunity to get to know Daddy on an adult level through many hours spent together on the golf course.
Oh, how I loved those times spent playing golf with him! I really began to know and understand him. I understood why he parented the way he did, as his childhood was also filled with a longing to be loved and treasured by his parents. They could not provide that to him due to their own childhood experiences. So, we all somehow stumble into adulthood with our memories of the good and the bad. For the lucky ones, the good far outweighs the bad, but more importantly, how we cope with it impacts the quality of our lives. And luckily, in the words of the great author Tom Robbins, "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."
Playing golf became a metaphor for the life I've lived. I was fortunate to, at last, have a father who was my biggest cheerleader. It didn't matter if I lost a million balls, hit only a few feet, or missed the ball; he would loudly proclaim what a great golfer I was. And I loved him for that. We all go through times when try as we may; things just don't work out as planned. But, if you have someone holding you in the palm of their hand, it gives you the courage to carry on. Indeed, as he cheered me on, my father gave me the courage to try again.
So, today, I honor my father for the man he was. He always tried to do what was right, despite the sometimes misguided way he imposed that on others. But don't we all do a little or a lot of that? He genuinely enjoyed meeting people and sharing laughter with everyone he met. I never heard him speak a negative word about anyone, nor did he ever utter one profanity. He loved our Mother without restraint. He would always tell her, and anyone who listened, how much he cared for her, especially in the last few years when he had to heavily depend on her. His was a large life that was squeezed into vulnerability and dependency in his elderly years. Life can be so cruel.
I thank God today for allowing forgiveness to enter our lives. For me...this is what Grace means. For those of us who were a part of Daddy's journey this past year, we are very grateful that his suffering is over. He's now greeting his Heavenly brothers and sisters with a "How do you do? It's nice to see you again after such a long, long time. I'm James Wright; remember me?"
I love you, Daddy. (And I can just barely hear him whisper, "Love you, too, sweetheart.")
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